The Mysterious Ancient HOA Caves Of The OC, March 2012
My Journeys Behind The Orange Curtain - Part Neuf
Tom, our faithful OC guide, said he'd try and make it. But alas,
ultimately we were alone in The OC again. But not wanting to give up the
rare chance to observe the mysterious ancient caves of The OC, Lisa and I ignored our
friends' pleas to stay, laughing in the face of it all, daring to journey south, south
on the 405, crossing the border into this savage land of untamed business parks
and planned communities. This is the ninth in a thrilling series of
undercover exposés that dares to explore the native people who live deep behind
The Orange Curtain.
Part 9 of an ongoing series
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"Another adventure deep, deep into The OC!" I called out to Lisa. "But this time, we're visiting the mysterious ancient Dripping Cave in The Land of the Ancients!!" Lisa stood, mouth agape. "No outsider has ever been allowed to visit this sacred land." In this savage land of planned communities and business parks, we'd been witness to ancient customs and rituals, rituals with indigenous families, National Rifle Association meetings, even mysterious Homeowners Association gatherings, but never had we been invited to see something so off-limits to outsiders as this. Tom was our intrepid guide to The OC. But he would not be able to make it on this trip to the The Land Of The Ancients. "I know of a man who can guide you to where OC natives believe it all began...all their customs, nail salons, tannning booths, everything. Indeed, they consider it their birth place. This place is sacred, and it is a great honor for you to go there." For reasons of personal safety, as you can surely understand, our guide asked not to be named. As before, the Family Whose Names Are "J" greeted us warmly at the Capital Restaurant. As is the custom on The OC, we gathered outside to greet each other and take photos in front of where we were to dine. |
The Family Whose Name Are "J" nodded in agreement. "But it is a distant and dangerous journey, so let us eat." Jimin (standing next to my left), one of the Family Whose Name Is "J", consulted with the elders briefly, then stepped forward. "It is a journey frought with peril. I will accompany you to help assist in keeping you safe." |
"A real piece of history here, before we saw The Way of the HOA,"Jimin agreed, smiling proudly. "HOA. Homeowners Associations. They guide us. They tell us what to do. They are our benefactors, our Big Brothers. They are all-knowing, all-loving. We obey The Way of the HOA." Lisa and I had heard of this all-knowing entity from our visit to the ancient bungalows of Crystal Cove. |
 "There." Our guide pointed up to an opening in Cave Rock as we scrambled up the sandstone. "The Ancients made their home up here, thousands of years ago, as long ago as 2200 BHOA (Before Homeowners Association).Jimin nodded in agreement. "The old indigenous peoples of The OC lived very primitively. Now, of course, this could never exist. We live much more civilized now. We'd have structures, good structures as HOA has guided us. They'd have granite backsplashes, fiber optic cable, dual-paned windows with argon...it'd be planned. Yes. Planned. It'd have spas, dog groomers, all things nearby necessary for survival." |
 The guide and Jimin pointed out the mysterious marks along the cave, with ancient depictions of the Minutemen, Republican Conventions, and more along the cave walls. |
"What's this?" Lisa pointed to an odd looking green pod. Jimin and our guide conferred for a moment. "There is some things here that the people of the OC still do not feel divulging to outsiders. The HOA forbid us to reveal...." "We understand," Lisa replied, "and we are grateful that we have won your trust. It's okay." Jimin nodded gratefully. "Thank you for your understanding."
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I asked, "Why is it named 'The Dripping Cave'?" "The ancestors of The HOA lived here, as long ago as 2200 BHOA, in these caves," Jimin replied. "They were brilliant, surely some of the greatest minds of the ancient OC. One of the Ancient Grand Masters, La Pavoni Jura Capresso Impressa, created one of the greatest devices that has ever graced our land..." Our trusty white-haired guide nodded. "La Pavoni Jura Capresso Impressa invented the espresso machine." |
"This decaying fence is from an earlier time," our guide continued explaining. "Now, of course, HOA does not allow rust or decay in our communities, thankfully. This is now considered a historical monument." |
Here she is drinking Glow Worm Soup and attempting to convince us to try. It tasted like chicken. |
Ken's photos of Nobel Peace Prize Winner Aung
San Suu Kyi, as well as photos of Peru, Burma, India, Morocco, China, Thailand,
Ghana, Ecuador, Orange County and elsewhere, have appeared in many books, magazines,
websites, and galleries. Visit the Ken Lee Photography Website. Some of Ken's select photos may be
purchased through his Imagekind Store.
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Mysterious Ancient HOA Caves Of The OC
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"I am truly honored, thank you!!!!" I got off the phone with the Family Whose Names Are "J", who live deep deep in the OC in a Chinese enclave called Irvine. 
"To be allowed admittance into the Dripping Cave is a great, great honor," our guide intoned in a gravely husky voice while stepping forward (far right). "I will be proud to take you to this great land. There are many stories that are contained within this land." 
Our trusty guide expertly maneuvered his 4WD Hummer through the large swathes of tanning salons and dog groomers, until the mini-malls slowly gave way to the grasslands and canyons of Aliso and Wood Canyon. "Here, this land has been kept as it was. No manicured lawns, no weather control. It is allowed to be overcast here." And indeed, a fine mist fell upon The Land of The Ancients.
We left Cave Rock, walking toward Dripping Cave. 
"Here is the Dripping Cave." 
Jimin took us to a most unusual restaurant in Laguna Beach that served food that The Ancients once ate. 
Jimin performed some incantations over a cauldron of food, ritual holdovers from a time before The HOA. We bid adieu, and with the help of our brave guide, navigated our way back across the border, feeling blessed with being the first outsiders to see The Caves. The lure for adventure behind the Orange Curtain was strong, and Lisa and I knew we would soon return.
