Celebration Of The Dead In The OC/Crystal Cove, October 2009
My Journeys Behind The Orange Curtain - Celebration Of The
Dead/Crystal Cove,
Part Sept
Tom, our faithful OC guide, wanted to give us the rare chance to observe a pagan
ritual celebration of the dead that the indigenous people of The OC practiced.
He warned us that it could be more dangerous than any previous trip to The OC.
Lisa and I ignored our friends' pleas to stay, laughing in the face of it all,
daring to journey south, south on the 405, crossing the border into this savage
land of untamed business parks and planned communities. This is the
seventh in a thrilling series of undercover exposés that dares to explore the
native people who live deep behind The Orange Curtain, the mysterious land seen in "The
OC", "Laguna
Beach", and "The
Real Housewives of Orange County".
Page 7 of an ongoing series
 We
were stopped at a booth in the middle of a highway.
"You have to pay," the uniformed man in the booth said, "It's $4.50." "Pay? Pay to simply drive down a highway?" "Yes, yes," he said impatiently, "do you think you are in the United States or something?" The customs of the OC continued to confound us at every turn. We finally got to Crystal Cove, just off PCH. The weather was perfect, the way the OC planned it and its business parks and planned communities and everything, everything. Here, you get a mollusk's view of the emerald strands of seaweed. In The OC, they even make the seaweed beautiful. Perfect. But what we were going to experience today wasn't "perfect". No, it was to be a glimpse into the life of the ancient indigenous people of The OC. |
 "You
are looking at a fence that was built in the era of pre-CC & Rs," a
helpful OC native explained. "A real piece of history here, before we
saw The Way of the HOA," he said, smiling proudly."HOA?" "HOA. Homeowners Associations. They guide us. They tell us what to do. They are our benefactors, our Big Brothers. They are all-knowing, all-loving. We obey The Way of the HOA." |
 "This
rusted post is from an earlier time," he continued explaining. "Now, of
course, HOA does not allow rust or decay in our communities, thankfully.
This is now considered a historical monument." |
 The
man walked us over to an old wood house with one room that opened up to the
beach.
"The old indigenous peoples of The OC lived very primitively. Now, of course, this could never exist. We live much more civilized now. We'd have a much larger structure. It'd have granite backsplashes, fiber optic cable, dual-paned windows with argon...it'd be planned. Yes. It'd have nail salons, dog groomers, other stores nearby necessary for survival." |
 We
gasped at this glimpse into the past and how The Ancients once lived here in
Crystal Cove in The OC. |
 We
left, the man's words about the ancient people of The OC still ringing in
our ears. But still, there was more...we were going to witness an
ancient pagan ritual celebration of the dead that the indigenous people of
The OC practiced.
~~ A crab's eye view of Crystal Cove. |
"Can you smear my face with the ashes of the dead?" Tom asked. We had just arrived at his house. We recoiled slightly, but he assured us that this was traditional. "The HOA assures us it's safe," Tom said. Lisa smeared the ashen concoction on his face as I looked on, intrigued by this ancient ritual. |
 At
last, Lisa and Kat had applied the last of the ashes. Tom took us over
to the anteroom of his planned community house.
"This is a miniaturization of what OC archeologists think the town of Crystal Cove may have once looked like. Of course, they are still excavating, and not a month goes by in which they do not discover something new of The Ancients." |
 "Come
outside now," Tom beckoned us. "They're going to come any time now."And they came. From the distance, we saw legions of short, short natives ambling up, slowly, slowly, stopping at each house. Every native was short in stature, and dressed hideously, ghoulishly. We gasped. "Trick or treat!!!" they yelled menacingly in unison. "Yes, yes, I have treats for you," Tom said gently, trying to calm the grotesque little natives. "No need for tricks today." Later, Tom explained, "They take these treats back to the Dead. The little ones, it is their job to appease the dead. It's a strange ritual at first, but I've been living amongst the people of The OC for a while and have grown accustomed to this ritual." |
 "Smearing
the ashes of the dead on one's face is a way to appease those little
ghoulish creatures," Tom said. "They feel more comfortable knowing
that they are amongst the dead." |
 Although
Tom was quite certain that he was following the ritual celebration of the
dead properly, he got a Hell's Angel bodyguard, Jay, just to be sure. |
 Bill,
the other intrepid guide to The OC that we know, arrived, fist-bumped Tom
and the bodyguard Jay, pulled off a bottle cap with his teeth, unsheathed
his machete, and stood guard by the front window. |
 Val
and Kat at The OC's ritual celebration of the dead.
Their lightheartedness, however, was about to end. |
 "Everyone
away from the windows!!" Tom called out. "Midnight is almost
upon us, and the little ghouls do not seem yet appeased."The strange little creatures gathered, the mist swirling around them, as they came closer and closer. "At ease," Jay called out, "I've got reinforcements." Two face-painted ghouls appeared, but these much larger than the ones outside. "This is how you beat 'em at their own game...with their own kind. Only larger." He grinned maniacally, confident in his plan. |
 Sure
enough, the small little ghouls retreated. Tom slammed back a brew to
calm his nerves. "That's not the last of them," he growled.
"They'll be back for more." |
 "Yesssssss,
they will....and they vill be a tasssssty treat, yesssss..."
We whirled around. A woman vampire had suddenly materialized. "Glad you could join us, Jenny. They're all yours," Jay smirked. |
Celebration Of The Dead In The OC, October 2009
Miscellaneous Photos
Eleven Shadows Travel Page
Contact photographer/musician Ken Lee
Jenny
explained how the plump smaller creatures were tastier than the skinnier,
tougher, taller creatures.
